crabs

We are adopting from China and the question I am usually asked by some people is why China and not the U.S. where there is so much need.

-The US adoption system is flawed and in need of a giant overall. In general, the law favors reunification and so everything is done to try to get a child back to their biological parents. Usually, this doesn’t work out but in the trying the child has been in several foster home situations and is older. The child has real attachment issues and losses the ability to trust, and rightly so. The older children are often difficult to place as most couples want babies. For those people that do a U.S. adoption either a private adoption or otherwise you put yourself on a rollercoaster where in the end you might have your heart broken and not get the child you have fallen in love with. In a private adoption you might also be out several thousand dollars.

-We visited China about 6 years ago and were impressed with the beautiful children and fell in love with people.

-China has a very fair and centrally organized system. It doesn’t matter if you are a doctor or plumber everyone goes through the same hoops and you a virtually guaranteed a child at the end.

-The Chinese Children are pretty healthy and don’t have some of our westernized issues with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome etc, Most birth mothers in China take very good of themselves hoping that their pregnancy will result in the birth of a desired son.

-Since the adopted child is abandoned in 99.9% of the cases you don’t have a parent or other relative showing up after a few years to claim the child or try to have a significant relationship with them. I later learned that this is not the optimum as the child has no history and you have no way of answering their questions later in life about where they came from when they start trying to form a good self image.

If anything, adopting from China inspired me to get involved in Rosemary Children's Services and not the other way around. I wanted to have some part in changing our system so that these kids who are a product of our flawed system have a chance. I know this only scratches the surface, but that reminds me of a story I heard.

A young boy is walking along the beach which is strewn with thousand of little sea crabs that have been washed ashore. He is throwing the crabs back into the ocean as he walks along. His dad says “Son, There are thousands of them just throwing a couple back wont make a difference.” And the little boy replied, “Just did for that one”.